Parenting Series 03: Friend Not Foe.

Adulting is really the hardest thing I can ever think of.

Especially when caring for a wee bairn is throw into the mix. 

Read a post about a lady who had just had a baby and had channeled all her attention towards the child at the expense of her husband and, as much I empathize with her spouse who seems to want his wife back to the way things used to be before the arrival of their bundle of joy, I can’t help but chuckle and think; things are never really the same.

Take for instance, eating out.

You visit this Chinese place and place an order for the yummiest, sweet chili fried rice and when it arrives, you clean out your plate. Imagine you decide to dwell on that savory experience and place another order for the same meal. It will taste yammy, true, but not as yammy as the previous one you had. Because you’ve had your fill and now there’s room to pick out flaws (chips on the china, too little or too much chicken breasts e.t.c). It’s the same with life’s changes.

Everything changes, eventually…

The question then is, for better or for worse?

When a new baby is welcomed into a home, it takes a while for normalcy to return and when it eventually does, it takes on a new form; one which is entirely different from the way things used to be. So from sitting-in-front-of-an-arranged-living-room-with-scented candles- red wine-and-slow music normal TO crashing-on-top-a diaper-strewn-couch-in-a-dress-covered-with-spit up normal.

Still normalcy, but on a different level.

In this case, this is for better, I guess; because the two have become 3. *insert goofy smiley*

Oh well.

All I’m saying is… It’s hard to hold things together sometimes and just hold forte especially when you want to crawl into a ball and bawl your eyes out.

But it gets better.

They soon grow older and leave the nest and you can eventually have your tidy, spick-span house to yourself again. Now, I say this tongue in check.

Often times, a couple loses themselves completely while waiting for their chicks to leave the nest, such that when the children eventually grow up and leave, there really isn’t anything left to salvage in the relationship. They’re sad to realize everything is just  ...gone.

 Years spent with someone raising children, all down the drain.

So, you see a couple who have grown together over the years, with young adults as children, but who have sadly, also grown apart.

Classic case of knowing someone (their likes, how they have breakfast, their routine etc.) but not really knowing them (how they feel, their innermost thoughts and fears, their childlike dreams etc.)

So, back to the post from before; if I could offer her one advice* in Bazz Lawman’s voice* it would be to wear sunscreen J Ok, I’m goofing around (I couldn’t resist).

If I could say something to her, it would be to not lose your friend/spouse If anything, try to do them baby nurturing activities together (change diapers, feed & burp baby, bathe and hold baby, etc.). We wouldn’t want just one parent basking in the euphoria of the newborn all by themselves now, would we? Definitely not!

But it would be so sad to have spent all your lives together and not still be best friends and in love when you’re both old and grey. Like the couple in The Notebook! (Hey, what can I say…I’m a sucker for love).

Reminds me of the story about the dad who always complained about his front yard having toys and bicycles all over the place, making it hard for him to park when he gets home from work at night.

And then one day, when he got home and was clearing the toys, mumbling under his breath as usual, he heard his neighbor call out; ‘Enjoy the moment. They grow up so fast.’

Looking up, he sees an old man and walks over to say hi. While he’s with the old man, he learns how the man’s kids are all grown and out of town and never come by to visit.

“To think I couldn’t wait to have them all grown and independent.” says the old man. “Now, the joke is on me.”

So, enjoy each phase your little one goes through with your significant other and always remember to take a step back and breathe.

Take pictures, spend time together without yelling, laugh more at their jokes, allow yourself to be goofy and play – once in a while.

Because they do grow up too fast.

Sending loads of hugs and fun smileys,

Cee.