LOSS

Ohla Bee,

How do you cope with loss?

How do you comfort someone who just lost the best thing/being in their life?

Recently lost someone close and struggled with words to convey my heartfelt condolences and came up with nothing. Falling back on my crutch/walking word-book didn’t help either because even he was at a loss for words.

One minute, someone you love is here, and the next minute they’re gone.

And life goes on.

Hmmm…

It really is sad.

Sometimes we just believe the ones we love will always be with us.

You know that feeling that this person is larger than life and will always be a constant figure in your life? That’s the one.

It hurts when life pulls the rug from under us and someone we know dies. How does one cope?

I remember when my dad died. I recall the events of the day so clearly (ok, maybe not so clearly. My mind seems to blank certain things to shield my heart from ache.)

We had been at the hospital for a while and had somehow settled into some form of routine, with my siblings and I taking turns to watch him while the other person off-duty got time to rest at home. That morning seemed like things had taken a turn for the worse and as I hurried out to pay for something-I-don’t-remember-now, I felt this calming feeling like everything was going to be fine.

I remember skipping halfway back and when I spotted the resident Priest, I asked that he come administer the Holy Communion to my dad. He eventually showed up and the calming feeling from earlier in the day disappeared as fast as it had come. Everything spiraled downward from there. After he died and the nurse called me aside to tell me (though a part of me knew), I felt like my whole world had come crashing down in tiny bits.

I remember telling Keletwi I had failed my dad by allowing him die and on my watch too. I wondered how I was going to tell my sisters.

Nah! I never want to feel that way ever again.

The bit I never really understood was how people would say all sorts in the name of consoling you when they came by to visit.

Everyone had some kind of story to narrate.

Well, I guess to each, his own.

In the days that followed, it helped to be back in school; it also helped to be in a new level too.

The gaping hole in my heart didn’t seem to be closing with time.

I eventually learnt to cope, to get up and go through the day.

We never really talk about how we coped afterwards, my sisters and I. But cope, we did.

I guess :P

Eventually, one can say time helps numb the pain a bit. And it’s a great consolation we have, knowing that we shall all be with God at the end of time.

I guess when it happened, I just wanted to be alone and cry. But in retrospect, I think it helped to have friends and family who went into full GOOFBALL mode just to make you laugh.

Or crawled up your bunk to hold you while you cried your eyes out.

So, if you’re looking to comfort someone who’s hurting or just drifting through a period of loss?

Just be there for them ( in all the ways that you could possibly be).

It may seem like a little… but trust me. It’s a whole lot.

May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God rest in peace, Amen.

Cee